DON’T WATCH PORN TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH, TOO MUCH…THIS IS MORE THAN JUST BUSTING A NUT FOR YOU.

By Tshifhiwa “Chipi” Netshilata

I know for sure that each and every one of us remembers vividly the first time that our precious innocent eyes laid eyes on pornographic imagery, whether through a magazine or video. Well for me the first time I think I was around the ages of 10-12 and it was through one of my uncle’s magazines called Private magazine (mind you it was an Indian edition) that I found stashed away under his clothes in those old brown Joshua Door wardrobes and to this day I can still smell the scent of the pages and feel the texture of the hard glossy pages as I paged through the magazine seeing all those naked bodies of beautiful Indian women, from that day onwards it become a date for me and the magazine every time my uncle’s room was left unattended, but all of that came scrambling down the day I lifted up his pile of clothes as per usual only to find that the magazine was gone, yohh! I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that day and I even came this close to asking him as to where the hell is the Private magazine at uncle? I was so disappointed and mad that week and I couldn’t even look at him the same anymore, I felt as if he saw deep down in my eyes that I was longing for that magazine and he will change his mind and go place it back to the original stash spot but he never did, bastard!

Then the years went by and I grew some pubic hair, my voice got deeper, I had my first kiss with my neighbour Sibongile and then the big day came and I lost my virginity. Now throughout all the years I’ve had my fair share of  my own porn collection nyana but none can ever come close to the trill and fulfilment that my uncle’s Private magazine gave me and it made me realise that porn is more like a drug because most times when you watch porn you’re always searching for that fulfilment and excitement it gave you the first time you laid eyes on it and if you watch too much of it then you’ll be what we call a sex addict.
Now how do you know that you have crossed the line, to what extent has it affected you and how do you know when you’re a fully blown sex addict? One of the first straight forward and basic signs to to see if you’re a sex addict is if you can’t go a day or two without watching porn, as a matter of fact specialists say you’re on your way to becoming a sex addict if you can’t go 7-10 days without watching porn and in doing that you’re simply doing more harm to yourself than you think….here’s how:

• .Porn creates emotional bond with the artificial world

All people have a critical need for human intimacy and emotional connection with others. When someone views pornography, they end up creating an intimate bond with an artificial, fake world and can actually lose the ability to bond with real people.

• Sex without intimacy.

Pornography is about sex being used for the wrong reasons. Because it is sex without emotional closeness, the underlying hunger remains unsatisfied. The viewer starts wondering what is wrong with their relationships and gets irritated or depressed. They end up feeling emotionally empty and disconnected from those around them.

• Unsatisfying.

While pornography use may result in a short term high, it eventually results in feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem and deep loneliness. It ultimately creates emotional distance in relationships. Because the world of pornography is artificial and cannot satisfy the need for emotional intimacy, this basic need remains unmet, creating an appetite for more and more.

Triggers addiction cycle in brain.

Studies show that actual brain function changes in someone who has an addiction – and the changes are the same in all addiction: alcohol, drugs, or pornography. Because pornography use can become an actual addiction, viewers are not able to stop through their own will power. Pornography addicts will need to engage in the same difficult recovery process a drug addict has to go through.

• Unfulfilling

Using pornography to feel pleasure and escape feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, boredom and frustration creates a gateway for addiction. When the rush of pleasure disappears, the feelings a user is trying to escape from reappear stronger than ever, and they are compelled to repeat the cycle. Over time, their brain chemistry is altered and a full-fledged addiction occurs.

• Great deception.

Initially, you were attracted to pornography because of the positive things it did for you. (“I love the rush I feel,” “This is my favorite pastime,” “I feel lonely,” “This is my reward to myself for making it through a rough day…”) Eventually, it will do just the opposite. (“I no longer feel an emotional response to anything,” “There is nothing in my life I enjoy doing,” “I feel totally isolated from the world,” “My anxiety and stress levels are at an all-time high…”)

• Imitation of the real thing.

With pornography, we use sex as a substitute for nurture, intimacy, and love. Sex is no longer a wonderful source of connection between our deepest selves and a beloved partner; it becomes a commodity used to avoid intimacy and mask needs that should be met through human connections.

• Blunt truth.

In the long run, pornography will not shore up a shaky ego, will not fill the emptiness left from childhood wounds or abandonment, will not save a shaky relationship or failing marriage and is not satisfying. In fact, it will magnify each emotional wound from the past and cripple your ability to meet your essential emotional needs, damage your ability to have a healthy relationship and leave you unable to sexually or emotionally respond to your partner.