By Mpho Sathekge
Nothing and I mean nothing sends a woman crazy like being ignored.
Some call it the slow fade, others just call it poor text message etiquette, but the fact of the matter is, last week he was texting you like his thumbs were on steroids and this week he seems to have lost the ability to string a sentence together at all.
It goes a little bit like this: you text him, he texts back, you text him, he texts back, you text him… silence.
And so begins a new game called “I’ve checked my phone 73 times in the last 6 hours and now I’ve gone a little deranged”. It starts off with an innocent “oh I’m sure he’ll reply soon, maybe he’s just busy” and leads to all sorts of mental behavior. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Lets see if this rings a bell…
1. The “Maybe I Should Text Him Again”
It starts off with reasonable logic. Well, reasonable-ish. Maybe he hasn’t seen his phone, maybe he has no signal (sure your iPhone tells you the message was delivered, but what does your mobile really know anyway) or maybe it’s in his pocket on silent and he doesn’t even know you’ve messaged him yet. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
Or perhaps the message didn’t send. Perhaps you should send another just to be sure? Or call him just in case.
2. The “Look At All The Fu*ks I Give”
The rationalizing is usually followed by an attempt at playing it cool. So what if he didn’t reply to your second text and phone call. I’m sure he’ll get back to you really soon. But in the mean time, you decide to tweet something to let him know you’re out and not sitting at home by your phone.
Maybe you can even upload a hot selfie to show him how much fun you’re having.
3. The “I’m Deleting His Number And Never Speaking To Him Again”
It’s only a matter of time before the “I’m not fussed” facade turns into angry ranting and hatred.
If you’re not entirely sure what that sounds like, it sounds exactly like this: “Oh he wants to play games does he? He thinks he can ignore me all day. Well I have a game for him. It’s called giving him a taste of his own medicine… you wait, wait till he texts me, I’m not even going to reply. See how he likes it”.
Usually followed by another mini I-don’t-need-this-sh*t-I-can-do-better speech.
4. The “Oh My God, Wait… Maybe Something Happened To Him”
Eventually you call a friend who calms you down and reminds you that, maybe, just maybe, he has a life and hasn’t has a chance to reply to your text yet. Which calms you down for about 25 seconds.
Then you move onto the usually short-lived “what if he’s had an accident and I just don’t know it yet”. Don’t call up all the local hospitals just yet my love. First check for any other signs of life he might have given.
5. The “Oh Hell No According To Whatsapp He Was Alive 27 Minutes Ago”
His Whatsapp says he’s online and according to his Twitter feed he had enough time to update his status 37 minutes ago and follow-back some half naked slut.
6. The “Nervous Breakdown”
Men like to push a little then pull back a little. Accept it, get used to it and live a much less emotionally unstable life.
At the start you’re an exciting and special woman, but there’s only so many times he can call you 5 times a day, buy you presents and hold open doors for you before he gets a bit bored. Not of you, but of the ‘nice guy’ routine. So he decides to mix it up a bit, but his new, much cooler demeanor has you assuming he’s either met someone else or has decided to break up with you.
And so you go insane. Whether that means crying in bed for two hours or drinking half a bottle of wine while watching Grey’s Anatomy, the truth is you’ve lost it and you’re one obsessive over reaction away from saying too much.
7. The “Okay Now I’m Angry”
He might be playing it cool, but you are definitely not. The next step is anger and that quickly leads to loss of all logic…
8. The “I’m Going To Let Him Know Exactly What I Think Of Him”
Finally comes the angry text.
Your friends tell you not to send it, they tell you to wait but as far as you’re concerned, you’re deep in over-reacting mode and the relationship is now unsalvageable. He clearly isn’t as interested in you as he’s been making out and you need to tell him what a game-playing douchebag he is.
Then 9/10 he replies with a totally made-up but reasonable sounding excuse which makes the last 24-48 hours of compete over-obsession make you seem like an absolute nut job. He’ll text you as though nothing happened and make you feel like you’re the queen of over-reactions. (Which you are, by the way).
The truth is, men aren’t that complicated and the reason for his text-silence is usually one of two simple things
1. He’s testing you to see how you’ll react.
2. He’s busy.
Either way, by having an emotional breakdown, he’ll just come to the conclusion that you’re a bit crazy, because from his point of view, you’re not his girlfriend yet, so what’s your issue? He doesn’t need to text you every minute of the waking day. But by staying cool, calm and collected he starts to believe that you’re the girl that you spent the first 5 weeks of your relationship pretending to be.
The solution is simple: stop staring at your phone, call some friends, go out, distract yourself and stay calm. The chances are he’ll be in contact sooner or later. And even if (worse case scenario) he has started to lose interest in you, sending clingy/ crazy messages is less than likely to help the situation. Right?