The 10 Side Chick Commandments


Some of us do it because it’s not time consuming, some of us do it out of pure love for another person, and for others, some of us just do it for the rachets. Whether it’s just sex or an actual secret relationship, having a woman on the side (AKA Side-Chick) can be the greatest feeling in the world, but it can be your worst fatal attraction nightmare if the rules aren’t followed accordingly.

Men and Women sexual tension have gone hand and hand since the beginning of time. Side-Chicks have had their low moments in life such as The Scarlet Letter, Fatal Attraction, and VH1’s For The Love of Ray J, but recently they have had some very high points with the likes of Kelly Khumalo, Karrueche, 50 Shades of Grey and Kim Kardashian. Having a side-chick on your relationship roster can be a man’s greatest assets. They may even be your greatest crowning achievement, if you’re trying to become a legendary chapter in the book of playas. Now before you become next “Iceberg Slim”, there are some rules you must enforce. In beginning, a side chick will be as loyal as Rin Tin Tin or Lassie, but sooner or later; a side-chick dreams will turn into main-chick ambitions and that is when your life will take a horrible turn for the worse.

Do you want her to go from Gizmo to a Gremlin at the stroke of midnight?…. I think not. Follow these 10 basic “Playa Commandments” and I promise you Hollywood will not be asking you if they can remake a relationship horror film on your behalf. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9…….It’s the 10 “Side-Chick” Commandments.

Now let’s start with the easiest commandment in the book……

Commandment #1:

Thou Shall Not Fall in Love:
Every woman in the world right now has a crazy Christian Grey (50 Shades of Grey) fetish. Every woman would love to have a man like him in their lives, but Christian best line from the book is “I don’t make love, I fuck.” If you’re dealing with a side-chick, then this line should be your side-chick motto. She may like the same sports team as you, she may be easy to talk to, and she may be even dirtier in the bedroom than your girlfriend, but always remember this, if she was that great why is she coming off the bench and not starting for your team? Rule No. 1 of the “Pimp Game” is “You don’t pay her to stay, you pay her to leave.” Never take a side-chick seriously and do what it takes to keep her that way. Now were not saying go all Lawrence Taylor or Chris Brown on her (Never put your hands on a woman) but 95% of the time a playa gets caught up is because he has allowed the other woman to think that she has just as much pull as the girlfriend. This is the easiest rule to remember, but the hardest rule to follow. It’s totally understandable that you start to develop strong feelings for your plan B, I mean you’re a nice guy and you don’t want to see anyone get hurt. Don’t ever let those feelings consume you. In order to be a successful playa, you must not show her any love outside of the bedroom. You show her love, you show her weakness.

Commandment #2:

Thou Shall Not Be Connected on Any Form of Social Media:
Having her phone number is bad enough but if you guys are friends on Facebook or following each other on twitter and Instagram….you’re just asking to get caught up.
The reason why social media is so popular is because you can connect with people from all over the world anytime you want, but it also easy access to cause any and every argument between you and your loved ones at anytime. Without a doubt, a side-chick is one of the most loyal people of all-time, but even the most loyal girl in the room can defiantly get jealous very fast. Woman hate when they see another woman getting all the attention that they feel they should be getting. So don’t think that your side-chick is thinking your an honorable guy because you’re telling everyone on social media how great your real girlfriend is. My advice to anyone with a side-chick is to “Block Her” from anyone of your social media pages. Not blocking them is leaving open too much of a risk for her to try and ruin your life when she fed up being Scottie Pippen to your Michael Jordan.

Commandment #3:

Thou Shall Not Ever Go Out In Public Together…..EVER!:
I don’t care if you at the library, grabbing a Starbucks in the morning, or even in separate cars right be side each other in a McDonald Drive-Thru never be seen in public with the side-chick. Anything that doesn’t have closed doors with a bed in it is considered public and should be avoided at all cost. Going out with someone who you have a strictly sexual relationship with leaves the door open for emotional attachment. Emotional attachment will then lead to feelings. Feelings will then lead to your side-chicks dreams turning into main chick ambitions. The worse thing you can do to a woman is give her false hope.

Commandment #4:

Thou Shall Not Introduce You To The Crew:
It’s bad enough if you take this chick out in public, but for god’s sake please DO NOT involve her with your friends and family. This is absolutely unacceptable, because now you’re officially bringing other people into your lovely mess. The side-chick has a very likable personality especially around other people. So having her around will only cause your family and friends to want to be her new B.F.F., then you will never get her out of your life. Be careful around your guy friends because there is only two types of guy friends when dealing with a side-chick. The ones that wanna get at her other female friends causing your side-chick to be around for parties and other social gatherings when y’all go out as a group. The others are the guy friends that try to have sex with your side-chick and those dudes are so blinded by love that they are willing to give up anything and everything they know about you like they’re on the “First 48?. So, save yourself the headache and keep the secret relationship between you and your partner.

Commandment #5:

Thou Shall Not Allow Her To Think This Could Be Something More:
The reason side-chicks rarely work out is because we don’t treat them as such, leaving them with the idea that this could be more than just sex. Remember men, what ever you say during lust, she will take it as love. So be careful what you say to them in the bedroom because everything you say can and will be used against you. A side-chick is the same as an NFL player on the practice squad and should be treated as practice. She might be helping the team get ready for Sunday’s but should never be mislead into thinking that she will ever be playing on Sunday’s…..EVER! Practice makes perfect, not into the actual game.

Commandment #6:

Thou Shall Not Have You Nor Her Get Jealous:

Now this Commandment might be the hardest one of all to follow as this one usually never works. The sex is great and the communication may be limited, but at some point jealousy will rear it ugly head. If you’ve met someone new you like or you and your girlfriend are actually on good terms, have the courtesy to tell your side-chick what’s going on, she will appreciate the honesty and will not stand in the way. On the other hand, if they have met someone they like, under no circumstances can you get jealous. Do not be that guy who thinks that your side-chick only wants to be with you and nobody else…this is not the 80?s or 90210. Don’t make this bigger than it really is… and nothing more. De Niro said it best on “Heat” never love anything you can walk away from in two mins or less when you see the heat coming. So if you know that you can’t control your emotions, then may be the pimp game is not for you.

Commandment #7:

Thou Shall Know Her Role and Shut Her Mouth!:
What she think this is the corporate ladder? There are no promotions in this line of work, now get in the bedroom and do what you’re told. A side-chick is at the bottom of the woman sexual ladder, sometimes she may even be confused with a hooker, but that only because you ordered room service for the both of you. They never asked you if they can attend family functions, birthdays, office parties, etc because that’s a straight up “Hell No!”. Your text messages to each other are always short and very sexual (I.E. What time should you or I cum by?, Can we do what we did last time?, My d*ck big isn’t it?, etc.) If she ever gets out of line or forgets her place, cancel her and go find another one. Trust me you can always find you another one.

Commandment #8:

Thou Shall Not Go Down on The Side-Chick:
Don’t be that much of an asshole where you don’t save anything special for your girlfriend. The great thing about side-chicks is you make and can break all the rules. In the movie “Pretty Woman” hookers were not allowed to kiss their customers in the mouth as that showed a sign of them falling in love. You may not know this but most men that go down on a woman are either A. Really Really Drunk or B. Falling in love. Now you might be asking yourself “If I don’t go down on her, does that she doesn’t go down on me?” and that answer is HELL YEAH SHE DOES…ALWAYS! Like I said before you make all the rules and make all the circumstances. If anyone going down it’s you not me, so get yours and make sure you’re always getting it good and on your own terms.

Commandment #9:

Thou Shall Not Turn A Friend Into A Side-Chick:
Side-Chicks work best when it’s with a person you’ve recently met or only have sexual tension with. Now you might have a drunk college night with your best female friend Patty, but that shouldn’t lead to secret undercover sexual relationship because if you do, emotions will defiantly get involved (Remember Commandment #5).
Friends who become more than actual friends 85% of the time do not work. Friends don’t f*ck friends in any fashion.

Commandment #10:

Thou Shall Realize That You’re On Borrowed Time:
You have to realize that no cheater (And yes that what exactly what you’re doing…Cheating) has never successfully got away with cheating. My best advice to you is follow these commandments to the T and just enjoy the winning streak as long as you can because eventually you will get caught up. Now even though you have gotten caught, you don’t have to come out of this situation empty handed. Whether you play this in a good way or a bad way, you could come out of this situation with a girlfriend you love (Good Call), a side-chick that you will eventually hate (Bad Call), or alone without either a girlfriend or side-chick (That means you really f*cked up when that happens). Not to get all religious on you, but god never gave a cheater an success story.

So good luck young pimp and remember you always hold your own destiny in your own hands

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